I Only have one minute then I am back to cleaning, but while I was cleaning the floor I was thinking about the gifts. You know some prophets, teachers etc…. Well, I wonder if it is the same with personalities, some really practical, some more intense etc… I think just as it is with the prophets, teachers, evangelists  they all need each other and one is not better than the other just different. I think it  is the same way with personalities, but sometimes we see it as our weakness when really it’s just simply the way He made us. We can compare ourselves with each other all day and at the end of it think we feel we are just the weakest link, but that is the lie the enemy feeds us. He has made us all in His image and we each display different characteristics of Him. Anway, just a quick thought. Embrace who He has made you and don’t compare your self with anyone else. I know easy to say and not do, but if we continue to compare ourselves we will always feel inadequate and that is not from God. Amen?Ok, back to mopping!

Over the last couple of months I have taken up running. I know the Bible Likens running a race to our spiritual walk and I have always saw the similarities, but now that I can somewhat call myself a runner it has totally come alive to me. Running is HARD work! It takes serious commitment. If I don’t run for a few days, boy do I feel it. Running for the most part is all in the head, it’s a constant pressing. There are those days that it’s cold and the wind is blowing hard and it is a tough decision to run. Or those days that I am just plain old tired and I just don’t want to.

I have been blessed with a running partner that has way more experience in running and just runs no matter what the weather. Many days I am sure that I can not do it , yet their she is to encourage and support. 

I have learned 2 things over the last couple of months. One is the reality of the discipline of walking with God. You have to pray, you have to read your Bible and you have to Learn to hear His voice in all circumstances. Life is hard and the wind blows cold at times, but you have to press on and draw near. Second, we are meant to walk out life with each other. We are meant to encourage and support each other in all seasons of our lives. We need People. I think one of the enemies biggest ways of getting us, is to make us feel alone or that it’s only me that feels this way . Feelings like this make us feel  isolated and puts ourselves in  a whole different category  than everyone else. It usually breeds either self pity or elitism.  All of us are at different stages in our race. Some can only walk, others can walk /jog and some can run, but we are all running the race together and we all will win the prize. we are all on the same team. I love Jesus because of this! He loves us where we are in our journey and Is on the other side of the finish line with open arms. OH what manner of Love is this, This is my beloved and my friend!

I haven’t written lately for several reasons. One being i’ve just been crazy busy and the other being their is so much going on inside my head and my heart that I still don’t know how to put it  in words. I am not one that is eloquent with words, so blogging without that gift and no clear feeling of what’s going on inside could be dangerous for me, so i just decided that I would kinda think out loud. I will apologize in advance for possible bunny trails. 

When I was little and I thought about the return of the Lord it was pure excitement and maybe for some of you it still is, but I found myself maybe since I have had kids a little more frightened. I think the reality of  the days we live in and the fact we truly are living in the last days and what that means for what my children will have to walk through is very scary to me and the mother inside me wants to protect them from all evil. At the same time I have peace that we know the man who is seated on the throne, the One who holds our very breathe in the palm of His hands. I rest in the Truth that His ways are not ours, that His ways are higher who can comprehend.

I feel the urgency and yet still feel completely inadequate to raise my kids to truly walk with God. I pray that where I am weak He will be strong. I want to live with a eternal perspective every day and raise my kids to be found ready in the Great and terrible day of the Lord.

 

Merry christmas!

I love christmas time! I love the baking, seeing people I love and buying gifts for people I love . But this year seems a bit hard  for me, mainly I think because  we will not be with family this year it will be just our little family together or not so little, but no extended family. That is hard for me especially having kids. I want them to experience all the joy that is in family, but when u are so far away it just makes it hard. Anyway, Josh and I have been discussing for months it feels like, what are our traditions? what does Christmas at the farmers look like? What do we want our kids to think of when they think of Christmas? I realize that as the years go by it seems to be less and less about Jesus and more about other things. That is not something I want my kids growing up with, but at the same time I love  the physical act of giving. 

Kayla is almost 5 and Maddie is almost 4  and they are no longer babies. This year I feel it is so important Josh and I present the gospel to our kids in a very straight forward way. We are living in hard times, where the truth can be twisted and I so want my children to fully understand that Jesus is the reason we live! He is the reason we have breathe! He came to set us free and to give us life, He redeemed our souls from the pit!

This year Jesus would You yourself be the center! Jesus encounter our children with the reality that You came as a baby to save them. O what great Love is this, Let us remember His Love!

Before Thanksgiving my dear friend April told me that one of her favorite things about Thanksgiving was going around the table and saying what we were thankful for. Honestly I hate it, but since April was going to be a guest in my home on thanksgiving I thought I would be nice and do what she loved. This put me in cold sweats for days prior to thanksgiving trying to come up with something good to say. We could all go around and say we are thankful  for friends, family, life and God’s goodness, but I was trying to reach deeper. You see life has been hard for me the last couple of years and so I found this to be alot harder than it should be. I began to pray and ask the Lord to really show me why this was so hard and as He began to speak to me I realized what I was truly greatful this year for.  I am greatful for God’s nearness. I realized that even during times of extreme hardship I can always look back and see His nearness, not always in the midst of it but after. I can’t imagine walking through life and the hardship life itself brings without a Savior, without a friend who sticks closer than a brother, without a redeemer and without the One who gave up His life for me. Today my heart overflows with gratitude for the One who never leaves us or forsakes us. The one who knows the beginning from the end and the one who holds each and every one of our lives in the palm of His hand. The Nearness of God truly is my Good!

My life lately has been very busy lately. I thought putting my 3 and 4 year old in pre-school would make life a little easier, but between bringing snacks, craft projects that are obviously beyond them and need the help of a parent I am not so sure it is easier. Now I am not saying I regret it because my girls absolutely love it. They are able to do things at school that I can not do at home with 4 kids so in that respect I am so thankful they are there.

Anyway, things in every area of our life are just a bit hectic, school, finances and just life with a family of 6.  Most days once the kids are in bed I am done for the day and that means I don’t want to do anything but veg, most days that means a little tv or alot of tv! But lately I have been convicted about how I spend my time and I am trying to do other things that are relaxing but actually feed my soul instead of doing nothing good for my soul. It has been hard, but I feel the Lord drawing me in a way that I haven’t felt in a long time and I want to respond with a heart that always says yes. 

I usually don’t listen to much christian radio, but lately when i am in the car I have been and I have to say I love the song by Chris Sligh empty me. one of the lines is” and every foolish thing my heart holds to, Lord empty me of me  so I might be filled with only you.”This is the cry of my heart. To be filled with only Jesus! It’s not as easy as it sounds and it takes daily decisions to fill ourselves with only Jesus . I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul. We get drawn it by the world so easy. Lord, give me wisdom and revelation to see, open the eyes of my understanding I want to be filled with only YOU!!!

I was taking my 2 girls to school the other day and after I prayed for their day at school some christian song came on the radio and honestly I don’t even remember the song, but I found myself weeping in the car. There is something about music that takes me to places with the Lord that nothing else can do. As a busy mom I find myself so many times in tears as I listen to music and I am so thankful that God can meet me in the midst of my busyness. Music has always been the way  the Lord encounters me and touches my heart.  I am so grateful that he meets me where I am and chooses to touch me. May my heart always be tender before Him and in a place that longs for encounters with the Living God.

When Olivia was born she was born with a unknown heart defect. About 12 hours after birth they found that she had what is called Tetrology of Fallot, simply put she has a massive hole in her heart. This finding has taken us on quite a journey. She had her 1st heart surgery about 12 days after she was born and then again at about 8  months. The hole in her heart is so big that they can’t repair it with something like a patch which they do for alot of people. They are in the process of rerouteing all of Olivias blood. She had the upper part of her heart done when she was 8 months and we are nearing the time to finish this process by doing the lower part of her heart.  We are not sure exactly sure when, but judging by how much she is sleeping I believe this to not be to far away. I am praying that we can hold her off until early spring and not have her in the hospital with open heart surgery during the winter.

I have been thinking about Olivia alot more lately and about the road ahead of her, and at times I experience tremendous fear over her future. I think it is the unknown of what this looks like for her whole life.

Anyway, watching her over the last couple of weeks has brought alot of things to the surface for me as far as the fear that I have aloud to control parts of my life and my trust that the Lord is good to me. Sometimes i find myself holding back from her because I am afraid of losing her too. For those who don’t know I lost my first little girl at birth, so the thought of losing another absolutely terrifies me and I am finding that that fear has somewhat crippled me from loving fully because I am bound by fear of loss. This is not how I want to live. It has taken years for me to put this into words and now that I have figured it out I feel so much freedom, now it’s walking it out and daily giving my fear to the Lord and truly trusting Him with my life and the life of my family. 

I love how faithful He is to not leave us where we are and to always draw us nearer to Him if we ask. He hears the cries of our heart.

Some days are just rough! A couple days a week my day starts at roughly 4:30am. I work at starbucks a few mornings and those days always seem to be long. Today is one of them. I actually just layed my kids down probably a little to early, but I’m tired and some days u just gotta do what u gotta do for everyones sake.

 The last couple of days I have had a few scriptures just kinda swimming around in my head. Let me tell u i have never been so thankful for going to a christian school my whole life where every week we memorized scripture, and I mean not just little verses here and there, but whole books of the Bible. It has come in so handy being a mom of 4 and not always getting to sit down and read the word. Anyways, I have been thinking about my walk with the Lord and what religion really is and what it all really means and these 2 verse just keep coming back to me.  In the Book of James it says” this is pure and undefiled religion, to visit orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unspotted by the world”NASB.

Micah 6:8 He has shown thee o man, what is good and what the Lord requires of you, but to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with Your God

The gospel is simple. Sometimes I think we make it all so complicated.I want to live a life of simplicity and devotion. I want to love the things He loves and hate the things He hates. Sometimes it’s hard and I have to realign myself. Today again I choose to set my heart before Him and say I just want to love you, give me eyes that see and ears that hear. I want to communion with you. 

Lord Jesus you are the delight of my Life

Lord you are the Hope in my heart.

Dwelling at your feet in worship 

I bow before your Throne in Adoration.

My Life is spent on loving You.

Lord Jesus I am Forever devoted to you.

I recently decided that blogging would be good for me. It would give me a outlet to express myself, so I am mainly blogging for myself, but you can look in if you would like.

I have been Married for almost 7 years to my best friend and I have had 5 beautiful children, one of which was taken to live with Jesus at birth. 

Life is busy at the Farmer house and never a dull moment. I am reminded daily of my need for Him and the huge responsibility my husband and I  now carry in raising our children. I have 4 beautiful children who watch every move I make and listen to every word I say and O how I long for my life to be a reflection of Jesus. I want my children to know what it means to Walk with God.

Recently I picked my oldest up from preschool and she told me they prayed before they played on the jungle gym. When I asked her why they did that, her response was quick and matter of fact. Mom, she said, praying is just a good thing to do ! May we always pray in all seasons at all times.

From the days of my youth  you have been my strong tower Oh Lord

I run to you every moment each hour oh Lord.

From the days of my youth you have been with me.

from the days of my youth till my frame is worn and old I love my God!

song by  Todd Ganovski